For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
