So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
