did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my poor anus
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
