I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
