I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Acid is not a monday night drug
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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