So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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