Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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