marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
