she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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