I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
