Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
