dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
