I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
