I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
