The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
