Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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