sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
