She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
