I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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