Fuck appropriateness.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
