It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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