So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
