Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
