Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
