Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
