I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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