And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
