you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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