I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
