I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
