yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
