final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
