I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
