I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
