So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
