so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why do cheetos always look like penises
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
