If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
