I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
