Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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