Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
