i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
