I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
