Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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