he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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