What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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