i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My pussy is not your playground.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
