yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
