I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
