Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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