She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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