She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
