I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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